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This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

Avril Lavigne's innocence
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went to marina barrage for picnic with all my buddies just recently. i guess i could say all of us are excited for it. well we are late but oh well the most important factor is that we enjoyed ourselves. i both laughed and cried on that day. the feeling of pain is screaming within me. i dont know why my heart ache, i dont know. it just ached.

i am in love with the song "Innocence" currently.
i guess it best described how i felt about everything. both happy and sad at the same time. but.. someone has made the innocence passed by. i guess thats what my heart is aching for.

how i wish i could scream everything out to this person i hold so dear.
but i couldnt , its forbidden to do so.

i want this person in my life this badly, thus i MUST NOT mention a single word.
despite how painful it is. i will keep on a smiling face towards you.


and i noticed i am changing... for the worse i am saying.
suddenly, i am reminded on some past.. that would only bring pain to my heart.

i dont know why..
i thoguht i have shaken it off already?


sigh.
indeed, once shattered, no matter how much you piece it back.. the marks are still there afterall.

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life is just like that.
though i told myself not to think about it , yet it still bothered me.
i hate this kind of feeling. i hate it. i despise it. i loathe it.

how i wish i could spend everyday in bliss. not caring what happens to anyone. but its impossible. oh well. guess i have to live through it by ranting here. if anyone even bother to check out this place , i would say you got a bad luck. as i am gonna RANT.

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i cant believe the reaction. this is infuriating. i am upset, no, disappointed is a better word. but that doesnt mean i would sit down and cry. i dont know you at all , you are not the person i know from 2 years ago. you have changed. into someone who only care for yourself , and slowly i will be one of your forgotten memories. you are laughing and having fun now , and here i am in complete pain.

how could i forget the pain when you are so important to me? how could i simply forget about you when you are so important to me? how could i actually tell you off when you are so important to me?

and great. now you got someone by your side. thats it. i swear you are going to the pits of hell. not that i want to bad mouth you but i tried to help you by telling you whats wrong. my words are taken lightly instead. instead , you listen to someone who is no better than you. both of you are corrupting each other. heck. hell. why should i even care?

and if one day you say i am cruel, i would say you are ironic. arent you the one who started these big whole mess? you only lived for yourself , not for others. heartless being.

if one day, you beg and plead at me to help you. i would help you , definitely, no questions asked. because you are still someone important to me. i dont ask for anything in return. i am stupid , i am a fool.

i already knew, for a long time ago, i am insiginificant. i am there only because you wanted me to. i am upset. i am disappointed. yet i forgived you time by time.

because you are just so important to me.
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rant over. i bet my standard of english is indeed falling into the pits of hell. so who is this person? i dont need to mention names. if you feel that you are the one i am talking about, fine then. you admit it yourself , i did not point fingers at anyone.

also a little advice to those who have great friends.
treasure them. i know its old fashion to say this but serious , treasure them.

"friends come and go each time
but true friends would stick with you till the end.
no matter what."

try to be in the shoes of your friends. embrace them, know of their traits and characteristics. accept the real them. know their pain and happiness , share it with each other. when they need to be comforted, comfrot them. when they need someone to laugh with them , laugh. learn to take a step back to see the big picture.

bonds between true friends are strong yet fragile. it depends on how tightly you hold on to them.

if you are able to meet someone who is such a great person , good for you! these people dont come easily! hold on to them before they slip away.

this is my advice. i do hope there wont be anyone else in the same situaion as me. you would be pessimistic and tired like me. (which is not good) i am suffering now. what wrong have i done?

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i spend these few days drawing. not intensively yet.. which makes me kinda upset. i wish to work really hard on it before school starts. (i fear to be the one slacking behind)

i know, drawing isnt something you can rush, but if possible i want to improve as much as a i can this holiday. i am dying to improve. it is the first time (really) in my life to feel the need to work really hard on drawing.

afterall , its important to me in every single way. *sigh*

except for yesterday. i went out with my friends to have fun. i know they are worried about me stressing out thus wanted me to relax for a day. for that, i thank them from the bottom of my heart. i have such great friends and i am afraid that all of us will part from each other. this painful feeling, is killing me.
i learnt some new things ysterday too. thanks alot my buddies :)

i heard that everyone (excluding those getting into NYP) has received their enrolment package. sigh. i wish to see it soon? so that i could get it settled soon without being in a rush. heard what they said that is theres lots of things to fill up and a million more things to settle. *sigh*

i know its a pain in the neck but i just want to see it soon. *sigh*

and i notice i kept doing this > *sigh*
i am very tired, physically and mentally even though i am rather freed now. i dont know well, its a complicating feeling weighing in my heart. oh well.

so lets check did i progress or not.

i joined a manga group called "Dream" in order to improve my art skills.
if you love drawing mangas and stuff, okay or you like discussions about them , you should check out this lovely group. the people there are awesome :)
Clickie

i have finally progressed in my manga by doing up 4 pages in a day.
hopefully i could get a whole chapter up soon. (i aint posting the link here haha)

and thats all.

DANG I DID THIS LITTLE!?
*CRIES*


i feel pathetic and useless.. i am a slow bum.

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i quitted my job the day before as i decided, march is the time for me to rest and recover up before i start my new school life in april.

a month for me to spend. i lay on my bed thinking, what should i be doing to be more productive. in the past its taking notes , reading and studying for O levels. but now its different. i dont think playing for a month is productive. i need to do something that could help me in my poy life, or perhaps learn a new skill or whatever. as long as i learn something.

i think through. nothing.

i fumbled in my bed and think hardly again.
nothing.

am i going to slack through the holiday! no way! i hate not doing anything at all. i need to improve in many areas of my artwork but i just dont know where should i start from. in fact i dont have the motivation to do it. sigh... mhy laziness and lack of confidence made me what i am today. tsk.

then i fumbled in my bed and gotten into deep sleep.
a little moment later i woke up. sleeping is wasting of time.. i need to get to do something. post on my blog or something (which i am doing it now)

then it seems like i have somewhat got motivated again.
after a sleep, it really refreshes my thoughts on what to do for the holiday.
so quickly, writing it down and breaking it down... here is it :

Drawing

drawing of fingers

side view anatomy

fix up on overall anatomy

draw guys that actually look like guys

work on a little of realism

Coloring

if possible , check out watercolor

if possible , check out copic markers

improve on CGing (especially , folds, hair, SHADOW)

others

compile my work up instead of procrastinating

try doing a mini manga up

join a manga group to learn and motivate myself more

study on recent trends and fashion

study on other artists art style

alot to work on.
this show how weak i am.
sigh.
but i doubt i will be doing it anyway.
i feel sleepy again.... gotta sleepppp..

*zzz*

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okay the pervious one is fro me to test my psoting stuffs.
to see if its working or not. finally i fixed my problem and up came a new layout!
i could be about 50 percent pleased about it but i am still sulking at the fact that how bad my drawing skills are. sigh.. but i really wanted to make a layout out of my own drawings. *sigh*

a rather simple one right?
i wanted to do a more flashy and classy one but oh well.
i guess i liked simplicity.

also my friends came over to my hosue to have steamboat.
uber coolio.
we bascially trashed the whole house by screaming at the top of our voices.
well fun.
i wished to have such happy days again.

ifitispossbile.youknowright?

and those words in the layout? (excluding the main blog name and my special happiness of the believer logo) has nothing to do with me.

i find it cool + it fits my character. (points to the left)
well i created her since i was sec 3 and slowly improved on her till now. but i could say i made her well... too noble. as she would sacrifice her own happiness for others. she find every single person in her life significant.

wow.
i guess i gotta degrade her abit.
but i guess i pretty much like a goodie goodie character.
oh well , keep her in this way.

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new testing news for me to check it out.

weeeeeeeeeee
weeeeeeee
wwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


new layout :D

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